*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*

(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)

(The future isn't what it used to be....)

"CARD CAPTOR SCIENCE THEATER 3000" (SEASON ONE)

EPISODE 2: A MIKE RHEA ANTHOLOGY

(A Ranma 1/2 MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Card Captor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment

purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or

trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

“Card Captor Sakura” is a trademark of CLAMP and those who distribute it

"Ranma 1/2" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the

distributors of her work.

"Loves Me, Loves Me Not", “Akane Gets Drained” and “Konatsu’s First Kiss” are the property of Mike Rhea and he's welcome to them. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)

(Cue "Card Captor Science Theater 3000 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,

Last sunday BC

There was this girl named Sakura

Quite different from you or me

She captured Clow Cards with her friends

All seen through Tomoyo’s camera lens

They tried to save the human race,

But Eriol lost his patience

So he shot them into space!!!!

Sakura: (Hoeeee……)

Syaoran and Tomoyo: (Now what?)

We'll send them crappy fanfics

The worst we can find  (lalala)

They'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor their minds  (lalala)

Now keep in mind they can't control

When the fanfics begin or end  (lalala)

Because, let’s face it, after all

Eriol’s not really their friend;

CARD CAPTOR ROLL CALL:

Meiling:

'Why me?’

Tomoyo:

'Smile!'

Syaoran:

'I hate my life.'

KEROOOOOOO!!!

'It’s not my fault!'

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe

And other science facts  (lalala)

Then repeat to yourself

*It's just a MiST*

You should really just relax

For Card Captor Science Theater 3000!!!

THE HOLOCABANA

1950 Hours

Syaoran Li and Sakura Kinomoto were enjoying the wonderful sounds of the band as they waltzed across the dance floor dressed in the kind of elegant attire only Bill Gates or Donald Trump could afford. It was turning out to be a perfect date with no signs of Tomoyo Daidouji or Kero-Chan.

Naturally, it didn’t last.

Just as the dance ended, they were interrupted by Meiling, who was not in a good mood. “All right! That’s it! I’m sick of you guys hogging the holocabana for this kind of trivial mush!”

“Trivial mush?” asked Sakura.

“Yue and I have to run almost everything on this satellite while the four of you just lie around!”

“Would you rather join us in the theater reading Dr. Hiirigizawa’s ‘experiments’?” asked Syaoran.

Meiling thought about that for a second and shuddered. “All right. But can I at least have the next dance?”

Sakura and Syaoran paused to look at each other. “I don’t see why not.” Sakura said.

“It’s fine with me.” Syaoran confirmed. But, just as Syaoran and Meiling were about to cue the band to start again, Yue’s voice came over the intercom. “Time to go to work guys. The Three Amigos are calling again.”

“Hoeee!” said Sakura. “But the last experiment was only two days ago!”

“Sorry, Meiling,” said Syaoran. “We can do this after we’re done with four-eyes and company.”

Sakura and Syaoran quickly exited the holocabana.

“Why is it always me?” grumbled Meiling.

DEEP 13

The evil Dr Eriol Hiirigizawa was once again filled with pride. TV’s Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun joined him in front of the view screen just as Sakura and company appeared on it.

“Well, well. How are things with you today, my wonderful test subjects?” asked Eriol.

“Bite me, Dr. H,” growled Syaoran.

“I thought our next experiment wasn’t until next week,” said Tomoyo.

“Normally, it wouldn’t be,” said Eriol “I haven’t even had time to make a new Clow card. But I discovered three small gold nuggets of pain to inflict on you and I just couldn’t wait. It’s a trio of Ranma ½ fanfics from the one author everyone loves to hate, the very pro-Ukyo and anti-Akane Mike Rhea.”

“Oh no.” Kero groaned. “Not that idiot who double punctuates and never uses his space bar.”

“The very same!” Eriol replied gleefully. “I bid you pain, my friends! So get ready. Put the hurt on them, Ruby Moon.”

“Do this, do that.” Ruby Moon muttered as she sent the fanfics.

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

“One of these days I’m gonna mangle that twerp.” Syaoran grumbled.

Tomoyo couldn’t help but notice that Sakura and Syaoran were dressed rather formally. “Looks like the ball was interrupted, eh, Prince Charming?”

“Who asked you, Daidouji?” Syaoran grumbled in reply.

Suddenly alarms and sirens rang out.

“OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!” Sakura cried out.

(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)

(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you

move on..)

(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)

(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)

(Door 2: It’s made of mirrors. You risk the seven years bad luck and shatter them with a hammer.)

(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)

(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)

Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Kero-Chan emerged from the light. The three take their seats in the theater while Kero-Chan floats overhead.

>From: michaelrhea@hotmail.com

Kero: Thanks for sharing.

>DISCLAIMER:None of these characters are mine,and no copyright
>infringement is intended.

Tomoyo: <imitating Mike Rhea>I just accidentally wrote about characters I never knew existed which turned out to be copyrighted.

>Special thanks go out to "MzShampoo"(the webmaster of >http://kei.animenetwork.com/ranma/catcafe/),whose "Cafe
>Conversations" section of her page helped inspire this yet another

>one-shot from yours truly.No,this is NOT a lemon.

Syaoran: Thank God for small mercies.

Kero: Space bar! Learn to use it already!

>"Loves Me,Loves Me not"(A Ranma 1/2 spamfic),by Mike Rhea

Kero: <imitating Mike Rhea> My real first name is “Dia”!

Sakura: Kero…

Syaoran: Great. We’re reading spam now

Tomoyo: 100 % synthetic characterization and tastes like cardboard!

>******************************************************************

All: (singing) Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

>Ranma wandered through the park,grumbling.He had been malleted into

>the sky courtesy of Akane Airlines

Tomoyo: Akane Airlines! Our motto: Air travel should be painful!

>after catching her and Ryouga naked in the bath together just a couple

>of minutes after the uncute tomboy took P-chan to the bathtub with her

>after insulting Ranma for being "jealous of a pig."

Syaoran: What the…?

Sakura: She’s mad at Ranma for walking in but not at Ryouga for lying and sleeping in her bed?

>Even walking in on them as Ranma-chan didn't help her:Akane doused her

>with a kettle of hot water before turning to the mallet.

Kero: <imitating Akane> I refuse to mallet you unless you’re the proper gender! I’d never hit a girl!

Tomoyo: Except for Shampoo.

>He was walking through the park

Syaoran: You already said that, idiot...

>when he saw Ukyou sitting on the park bench.

Sakura: Gasp! What a surprise!

>There she was plucking petals from a flower,and as you may
>expect,daydreaming about her "Ran-chan."

Kero: ‘Cause he sure as hell doesn’t belong to Akane!

>"He loves me,"she said to herself as she plucked one petal and tossed
>it aside."He loves me not,"she said as she plucked another petal and
>tossed it aside,unaware that Ranma was staring at her and admiring

>her.

Kero: Ranma likes to watch.

Sakura: Kero…

Syaoran: Wow… This… is so… exciting, I could just… Zzzzzzz….

>*Kawaii*,he thought to himself as Ukyou repeated the petal-plucking
>process until the flower had just 3 petals left.
>"He loves me,"she continued as she plucked the antepenultimate petal
>and tossed it aside."He loves me not,"she said as she plucked the
>penultimate petal and tossed it aside.

Tomoyo: Antepenultimate and penultimate?

Sakura: Big words for such small petals.

Syaoran: He knows the words but not the music.

Kero: Amen.

>Then,realizing what the last petal said,

Kero: “Sorry. Please Play Our ‘Pluck The Petals’ Contest Again.”

Sakura: Odds Of Winning: Really Bad.

Syaoran: Odds Of Mike Rhea Being Sane While Writing: Even Worse.

>Ukyou blushed profusely.She then turned around and saw Ranma.Her blush

>deepened as Ranma noticed how embarrassed and kawaii she was.

Tomoyo: Reminds me of someone we know.

>"Ucchan,you're beautiful.Also,I caught Akane and Ryouga in the bath
>together today,"said Ranma.

Kero: <imitating Ranma> Want to see?

Sakura: Kero…

Syaoran: Yeah, that’s just the kind of thing you drop into a casual conversation.

Tomoyo: You look nice today. I caught my fiancé cheating on me this morning.

>Ukyou,her blush already profuse,

All: We know!

>nearly unslung her giant spatula as to hit Ranma with it,

Tomoyo: <imitating Ukyou> What kind of stupid opening line is that?!

>but instead gazed at her fiance and glomped him.

All: What?!

>"Ran-chan,I love you!" shouted Ukyou as she glomped her fiance.
>
>"I love you too,Ucchan,"returned Ranma as he and his fiancee embraced
>and engaged in a passionate kiss.
>
>THE END

Sakura: What…

Tomoyo: The…

Syaoran: Hell…

Kero: …Was that?!!

>***************************************************************

Kero: Welcome to another episode of ‘Star Search’!

>Yes,I know my fics have generally short,

Syaoran: Thank God!

>but my fanfic ideas,so far,have turned out to be one-shot fanfics.I

>just can't seem to think up a long epic,

Tomoyo: May that inspiration never come.

Kero: Amen.

>though I may eventually write at least one sequel to "Ranma
>and Ukyou Write a Fic."And Sean Gaffney,Susan Doenime's "Ukyou Can
>Cook" is not technically an anti-Ukyou fic because the fate that Akane
>Tendou ultimately suffered(being killed and cooked by Ukyou)was
>something that the uncute mallet girl had coming!

Tomoyo: <imitating Mike Rhea> Die Akane! DIE! DIE! DIE!

>Excluding flames,C&C are welcome.

Tomoyo: <imitating Mike Rhea> Unless the flames are used to broil Akane! She’s EVIL! Eviiiiiilllll!

>You can find more Ranma and Ukyou fanfics(by myself and other authors)
>on my page(the champagne of Ranma romance sites),devoted to the true
>eternal couple of Ranma 1/2.
>
>Mike Rhea ^_^
>Webmaster of The Ranma and Ukyou Pages!
>http://rei.animenetwork.com/ranchan/

>Shampoo:"Aiyaa..."
>Ukyou:"Ranma honey,he got ya."
>Happousai(after swiping Ranma-chan's shirt):What a haul,what a haul!
>Ranma-chan(in pursuit of the old lech):"Gimme back my shirt!"
>Ukyou:"Ranma-honey!"
>Shampoo:"Ranma,wait!"
>
>-excerpt taken from "Ranma 1/2,the Movie 2:Nihao,My Concubine"

Syaoran: Sad…

Sakura: The excerpt is better than anything in the fic.

>Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
>Share what you know. Learn what you don't.

Kero: Maybe Mike could learn to use a space bar and punctuation.

Syaoran: Or write something interesting.

Sakura: We’re not out of the woods yet!

>From: michaelrhea@hotmail.com
>
>DISCLAIMER:None of these characters are mine,and no copyright
>infringement is intended.No adult content,though members of the KTF
>may find this difficult to swallow.

Syaoran: And so will everyone else

>This is loosely based on the plot introducing Hinako Ninomiya and

>takes place shortly after.
>
>Akane Gets Drained(A Ranma 1/2 fanfic),by Mike Rhea

Kero: <imitating Mike Rhea> My real first name is “Gonnah”!

Sakura: Kero…

Syaoran: Oh, gee. I wonder what happens in this wonderfully concealed plot.

Tomoyo: More like congealed plot.

>**********************************************************

Sakura and Syaoran: (singing) We’re walking in a winter wonderland!

Kero: Don’t start.

Tomoyo: I think they’re soooooo cute!

>Ranma was running in the direction of Furinkan High School.Akane had
>"forgotten" to wake him up,

Tomoyo: <imitating Akane> Yeah, that’s my story. I forgot. Want to make something out of it?

>which was the reason he was 10-15 minutes behind her.He happened to go

>in the direction of Ucchan's okonomiyaki,where Ukyou,who was also

>running late(and wearing her usual boy's school uniform),managed to

>catch him.

Sakura: <imitating Ukyou> Ah-ha! I have you now!

Syaoran: <imitating Ranma> Nooo! Let me go! Arghhhh!

>"Ran-chan,wait up!,"she said as she caught up with her fiance."Did
>Akane make you late again?"

Tomoyo: ‘Cause he sure isn’t Akane’s fiancé!

Kero: <imitating Mike Rhea> Akane will get Ranma over my dead body!!

Syaoran: That could be arranged.

>"She TRULY is so uncute,Ucchan!,"replied Ranma."Besides,you're cute
>even in guy's clothes."

Syaoran: Yep. Mike Rhea’s most famous line.

Sakura: Over 99 Billion Written

>Ukyou blushed profusely,

Tomoyo: She seems to do a lot of that.

Sakura: Well, so does Li-kun.

>then replied "Arigatou,Ran-chan" as they continued towards the high
>school,holding hands.

Kero: How many bottles of maple syrup can you get from the sap in just one Mike Rhea fanfic?

>**********************************************************

Sakura: I just love watching the stars, don’t you?

Syaoran: Mm-hm.

>Ranma and Ukyou eventually arrived at the high school way ahead of the
>bell.Akane witnessed their arrival,and at usual,got "jealous."

Tomoyo: She’s not really a jealous fiancée, but she plays one on TV.

>"So that's it!You slow down so you can walk to school with that cute
>fiancee!,"angrily remarked the uncute tomboy.

Syaoran: Let the Akane slam-fest begin!

Kero: Along with the lack of spaces and THE ANNOYING DOUBLE PUNTUATION!

Tomoyo: <imitating Mike Rhea> I’m completely impartial! I swear!

>"Face it,Akane.What kind of girl leaves for school with out even
>waking up her own fiance first?It's no wonder Ran-chan calls you
>'uncute,'because he's right!,"replied Ukyou.

Tomoyo: <imitating Ukyou> And I’m certainly not biased. Nope, nope, nope.

>Unaware that a certain "girl with superpowers" was witnessing all of
>this,

Tomoyo and Kero: It’s Megami-sama!

>Akane's battle aura flared blue as she pulled out her giant
>mallet."RANMA NO BAKA!!"

Sakura: <imitating Akane> You’ll pay for what Ukyou said!

>She charged at Ranma and Ukyou with the mallet.
>Then,Miss Hinako,realizing a delinquent was about to go postal,

Tomoyo: Neither rain nor snow nor sleet shall stop her in he appointed tantrums.

>immediately cut in front of Akane as Ranma and Ukyou both hid in a
>bush.She immediately pulled out a 5-yen coin and shouted "HAPPOU GO-EN
>SATSU!"
>
>Quickly,Akane's anger turned to fear."Miss Hinako,you've got it all
>wrong.NO!!!,"

Tomoyo: <imitating Akane> It’s Ranma’s fault! It’s always Ranma’s fault!

Kero: He’s double punctuating again!

Syaoran: Don’t make us hurt you, Mike.

>she cried out desperately as the teacher slowly sucked
>out Akane's battle aura,slowly changing into an adult.

Sakura: Akane’s changing into an adult?

Tomoyo: I think he means Hinako.

Syaoran: Who knows? Who cares?

>Tatewaki Kunou saw what was happening before him and couldn't take it.
>He quickly and desperately cried out "Akane Tendou,I'll save you!"

All: <singing> Here I come to save the day!

Kero: Somehow, I don’t see it myself.

>He immediately cut in front of the teacher,but it quickly backfired on
>the self-proclaimed "Blue Thunder,"as Hinako-sensei sucked all of his
>battle aura,as well.Within minutes,Miss Hinako's technique was
>complete,and both Kunou and Akane were turned into nothing more than
>floating zombies.

All: <singing> Ding-Dong! The witch is dead!

Tomoyo: Which old witch?

Kero: The Akane witch!

All: <singing> Ding-dong! The Akane witch is dead!

>She drew an applause from the group of students who had witnessed it

>all

Syaoran: Great. Now Mike is forcing his opinions on the extras as well.

>(though some of Akane's friends seemed a bit
>concerned),

Tomoyo: But they decided that since Akane was pure evil it didn’t matter much.

>as well as Ranma and Ukyou who both just emerged from the
>bushes.

Kero: Their clothes and hair messed up from…

Sakura: Kero…

>Ranma and Ukyou then walked up to their teacher."Thank you,Hinako-
>sensei.This time,your technique saved me,"remarked Ranma.

Kero:<imitating Ranma> As opposed to last time when it killed me.

>"You're welcome,Ranma.,"replied Miss Hinako."As for you,Ukyou-san;you
>would make a far better wife for Ranma than that delinquent that I've
>just disciplined."

Syaoran: Oh, for…

Tomoyo: Even Hinako’s part of the Mike Rhea cult.

Kero: Ah-ha. So you’re in on it too?

>Ukyou blushed profusely,

Kero: Déjà vu.

Sakura: Again?

Tomoyo: Ukyou should join “Blushers Annonymous”.

Syaoran: Hi. My name is Syaoran Li and I blush a lot.

Sakura and Tomoyo: Hi, Syaoran!

Kero: You guys…

>but immediately thanked her for the compliment.
>The two-minute warning bell had just rung,and the students went
>straight to their classes.Since Ranma and Ukyou had the same class,
>they walked to their class together,holding hands.

Sakura: Okay. They like each other. We get the point!

>"Ran-chan,that new teacher of ours is rather cool,"quoted Ukyou.

Syaoran: <imitating Ranma> Especially since she’s joined the cult of Mike Rhea!

>"That's very true,my darling Ucchan,"replied Ranma as he and his
>fiancee Ukyou engaged in a very passionate kiss on the way to class.

Kero: Ugh. This couldn’t get any worse.

>**Music:"Play That Funky Music,"by Wild Cherry**

Syaoran: You were saying?

Kero: Arghhhhh!

>*************************************************************

Sakura and Syaoran: <singing> In the meadow we can build a snowman! And pretend that he is Parson Brown!

Kero: Don’t go there.

>Meanwhile,in the streets just outside of Furinkan High,Ryouga Hibiki
>was,as usual,lost.Suddenly,he noticed Kunou's body floating in thin
>air.The eternal lost boy quickly realized that Miss Hinako had used
>that technique.Then suddenly,to his dismay,he noticed Akane's body
>floating in thin air,as well."AKAAAANEEE!,"he cried out in horror as

>he cradled his beloved's body.

Kero: <imitating Ryouga> Damn you, Mike Rhea! Damn you to hell!

>"RANMA...NO...BAKA...,"she replied in a rather faint voice as a couple
>of green-haired aliens noticed what was happening,wondering if those
>floating bodies were also aliens.

Sakura: Huh?

Tomoyo: What?

Syaoran: Who cares?

>THE END

All: About time!

>**************************************************************

Sakura and Syaoran: <singing> He’ll ask “Are you married?” We’ll say “No, man…”

Kero: Stop! Pleeease!

Syaoran: Stuff it, plushie.

>AUTHOR'S NOTES:As you may know,in the Ranma 1/2 storyline and in most
>Ranma fanfics,Akane and her bad temper/inflated ego always seem to get
>away with it.Not in this fanfic,however.For all you KTF that read this
>far and are upset and have read this far,don't say I didn't warn you.
>Yes,I'm pro-Ukyou biased,

Kero: No? Really?

Syaoran: I’m.. I’m shocked!

>but there just aren't enough "Ranma gets Ukyou and vice versa" fics in

>this universe.In addition,there's no such thing as an excess of such

>fics,either.
>
>Excluding flames,C&C are welcome.

Tomoyo: <imitating Mike Rhea> Unless they’re used on Akane! DIE EVIL MALLET GIRL!

>You can find more Ranma and Ukyou fanfics(by myself and other authors)
>on my page(the champagne of Ranma romance internet sites),devoted to
>the true eternal couple of Ranma 1/2.
>
>Mike Rhea
>Webmaster of The Ranma and Ukyou Pages!
>http://rei.animenetwork.com/ranchan/
>
>Ranma:"You beat me fair and square,youngin'!"
>Ranma's and Ukyou's son:"You're weaker than a possum,pop!"
>Ukyou:"Y'all go easy on your poor weak daddy,now!"
>
>-excerpt from Ranma 1/2 Outta Control:"The Harder They Fall"

Syaoran: When did the cast move to Alabama?

Sakura: Y’all come back now, hear?

>Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
>Share what you know. Learn what you don't.

Syaoran: Today, I learned Mike Rhea can’t write!

Sakura: One more to go. We’re almost home free, guys.

>From: michaelrhea@hotmail.com

>DISCLAIMER:None of these characters are mine,and no copyright

>infringement is intended.

Syaoran: Been there, done that.

>There is a yaoi kissing scene,as well as some

>suggestive dialogue;but don't let it scare ya.Yes,I did overcome a

>severe case of writer's block to come up with my first fic since "The

>Surprise Announcement,"as well as a malicious assault to my views(in

>the form of defwood's rather disgusting shockfic "The Trial of A Ranma

>Fanfic Writer").

Kero: I hate to point this out, but defwood’s fic was attacking himself, not Mike Rhea. They just happen to have the same views, that’s all.

Syaoran: Yes, but defwood dared to point out how ludicrous those beliefs were thus defying the mike Rhea cult.

>So please be gentle.

All: Not a chance!

>"Konatsu's First Kiss"(A Ranma 1/2 yaoi fanfic),by Mike Rhea

Kero: <imitating Mike Rhea> My real first name is…

Sakura: Kero…

Kero: What?

>*****************************************************************

Sakura and Syaoran: <singing> “…but you can do the job while you’re in town!”

Kero: Arghhh!

Syaoran: Heh heh.

>It was a typical weekday morning at Ucchan's okonomiyaki.Business was

>low,

Tomoyo: I can’t believe they’ve stooped so low.

Kero: Today only! Okonomiyaki served on the floor!

>and Konatsu was minding the restaurant

Sakura; That’s okay. We don’t mind.

>while Ukyou was at school, as was her fiance,Ranma.

Syaoran: What a surprise….

>About an hour later,it was the beginning of lunch.One of the first

>lunchtime customers was a well known ice skater.

Kero: Looks! It’s Elvis Stoiko!

Tomoyo and Sakura: Eeeeeeeeek!! It’s The King!

Syaoran: Wrong Elvis.

>He was obviously hungry,

Syaoran: As evidenced by his eating the tablecloth.

>but he suddenly couldn't keep his eyes off the "lady" before

>him;and he only got more interested when he had finished eating.

Kero: Time for dessert!

Sakura: Kero…

>"Hey,miss...,"inquired the skater."...what's your name?"

>"The name's Konatsu,"replied Konatsu."Why do you ask?"

Kero: Great. Now he’s being redundant too.

>"You're the most beautiful woman I've laid my eyes on."

>"Why,thanks.What's your name?"

>"Mikado Sanzenin."

>"Nice to meet you,Sanzenin-kun."

Syaoran: Wow… What… <yawn> stimulating conversation.

Sakura: Shouldn’t someone point out that Konatsu’s not really a woman?

Kero: Why spoil the fun?

>Mikado continued to linger at the okonomiyaki-ya for a couple more

>hours.Finally,when the lunchtime crowds had dwindled,Mikado asked

>Konatsu "Natsu-chan,can you please come over here?"

Syaoran: He’s only known her a couple of hours and he’s already given her a nickname?

Kero: Ugh… Too… cloying… Gonna… hurl!

Sakura: Kero…

>Konatsu walked around to the other side of the counter."What did you

>need,Sanzenin-kun?"

Kero: <imitating Sanzenin> Now that you ask…

Sakura: Kero…

>"I love you,Natsu-chan."Mikado then embraced Konatsu and they began

>kissing very passionately.

Syaoran: What the….?!

Tomoyo: That was fast.

>******************************************************************

Syaoran: Star light. Star bright. First star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, kill Mike Rhea at first light.

Kero: Amen.

>However,they were not aware that a certain aquatranssexual martial

>artist

Tomoyo: Wonder who that could be?

>(who had a bump on his head from being malleted into the sky

>courtesy of Akane Airlines for catching his uncute fiancee and the

>Furinkan High School principal together in a compromising position)

All: WHAT?!!

Kero: <imitating Akane> How dare you interrupt me when I’m bopping up!

Sakura: Kero…

>and his cute fiancee(who was dressed in her usual boy's school

>uniform)were eavesdropping on the whole situation just outside the

>restaurant.

>"Ucchan...,"inquired Ranma."...do you think Nabiki would not only have

>taken scandalous pictures of these 2 lovebirds,but also would have

>tried to sell them to you?"

Syaoran: Duh. This is Nabiki we’re talking about here.

>"Certainly,Ran-chan...,"replied Ukyou."...if she hadn't caught her

>sister and the principal together in that compromising position."

Sakura: Oh, for….

Tomoyo: Ugh. Don’t remind us.

>"True.At least I can't get malleted on a daily basis anymore."

>"Also,it appears that Natsu-chan has finally found true romance."

Syaoran: Yeah, at least until Sanzenin figures out that he’s a guy!

>*******************************************************************

Tomoyo: <singing> Oh, Starry Night…

Kero: Don’t go there.

>"Natsu-chan...,"inquired Mikado."...can I take you to my house?"

Kero: Wow. He moves right along.

>A Genma-panda-style sign held by Ukyou outside a window,but within

>Konatsu's sight,read "Go for it!"

Syaoran: Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say, Mike.

>"Sure!,"replied Konatsu.

>Mikado and Konatsu left the okonomiyaki-ya together.At that same

>moment,Ranma and Ukyou entered the restaurant together holding hands

>(and the latter sporting a devilish grin of satisfaction).

Kero: <imitating Ukyou> Wait ‘til Sanzenin finds out she’s a guy! Bwa-ha-ha!

>They could have changed into a couple of okonomiyaki sellers'

>outfits,but they opted not to.

Kero: They decided to conduct business in the nude.

Sakura: Kero…

>They went straight behind the counter and helped each other

Sakura: Don’t even think about it, Kero.

>serve the customers until closing time.A few minutes after they closed

>up the restaurant,Ranma asked Ukyou "Ucchan,do you have a spare

>bedroom?"

>"Ran-chan...,"replied Ukyou."...why don't you sleep in my bedroom with

>me,you naughty boy?"

<All shake their heads in disbelief>

Syaoran: I can’t take much more of this.

>**Music:"Never Gonna Let You Go,"by Sergio Mendes**

Tomoyo: Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse…

Sakura: …It does.

>Ranma and Ukyou promptly accompanied each other to their bedroom.As

>they undressed each other,an animated Rumiko Takahashi popped up on

>the screen,holding up one of Genma-panda's signs.The sign read:"The

>author would now like to leave Ranma's and Ukyou's ultimate fate to

>the imagination of you,the reader."

Syaoran: The building blew up. They were dead. The End.

>**********************************************************************

Kero: The stars have come out to shine!

>Meanwhile,in the demilitarized zone separating North and South Korea,

>the author of "The Trial of Ranma Fanfic Writer,"who had gotten there

>thanks to Ryouga's directions,accidentally stepped on a land mine;and

>as a direct result,was killed instantly.

Syaoran: No hard feelings, huh?

Sakura: Nice to know that Mike handles criticism so well.

>THE END

All: Finally!

>**********************************************************************

Kero: Are they stars or are they snowflakes?

Sakura: You decide!

>AUTHOR'S NOTES:In case you were wondering why I came up with such an

>odd pairing for this fic,those two,IMHO,have intelligence levels low

>enough that they WOULD fall for each other(i.e.,Konatsu considering

>himself a "deformed woman"

Syaoran: Ugh. There’s a mental image for you.

>just because he was raised as a girl by nasty women,Mikado having the

>Brock-like urge to fall for and kiss every pretty woman he

>sees,etc.).No,I'm not gay;

Kero: <imitating Mike Rhea>I get that a lot. No, I’m not gay.

>it's just that Konatsu and Tsubasa(combined)are far less deserving of

>Ukyou's affections than even Ryouga.

All: We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

>BTW,Ryouga/Ukyou would be O.K. if Ranma was being paired with

>Shampoo,Kodachi,Nabiki,or Kasumi.As for the Akane/Principal Kunou

>bit,I got that idea from several hentai pics of those 2 together that

>I've seen on a Ranma 1/2 hentai image gallery.

Syaoran: Ick!

Kero: A fanfic author who’s inspired by porn.

Tomoyo: That would explain a lot.

>I got the "animated Rumiko Takahashi holding up one of Genma-panda's

>signs" idea from the lemony masterpiece "Okonomiyaki Orgy"(Special

>thanks go out to that fic's author,whoever you may be).

Sakura: I think he was flamed out of existence.

Syaoran: Lemony masterpiece?

>If the ending scared you,blame it on the author of "The Trial Of A

>Ranma Fanfic Author" for maliciously mocking me.

Tomoyo: You just leave yourself so open for it.

Kero: For the last time, Mike, he was making fun of himself!

Syaoran: <imitating Mike Rhea>How dare someone disagree with me! I’m right! I’m always right!

>Excluding flames,C&C are welcome.

>You can find more Ranma and Ukyou fanfics(by myself and other authors)

>on my site(the cabernet sauvignon of Ranma 1/2 romance sites)devoted

>to the Keiichi/Belldandy of Rumiko Takahashi fandom(seriously).

Syaoran: That’s why it’s sad.

Sakura: He’s comparing Ranma and Ukyou to Keiichi and Belldandy?

Tomoyo: That’s not even a close match!

>Mike Rhea

>Webmaster of The Ranma and Ukyou Pages!

>http://rei.animenetwork.com/ranchan/

>"Ash and Misty,sittin' in a tree..."-Brock,Viz Pokemon graphic novel

>"Pikachu Shocks Back:To Evolve Or Not To Evolve,That Is The Question"

Syaoran: Now he’s quoting Pokemon.

Sakura: Sad…

>Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/

>Before you buy.

Kero: Insure it for more than it’s worth!

Sakura: Okay. Comments?

Kero: Learn to use the spacebar and punctuation already, ya moron!!

Sakura: Uh, anything else?

Syaoran: He could start by ditching his Gestapo style of writing. Just because someone disagrees with you, Mike, is no reason to attack them, for crying out loud.

Tomoyo: And quit the stereotypes and repeating yourself. You can write an Ukyo-Ranma fic without always making Akane into an ill-tempered, violent, sluttish harridan.

Syaoran: In short, stop trying to force the world of Ranma ½ to fit your narrow little view.

Sakura: Okay. We’re done!

Syaoran: Whew! I’m exhausted!

Meiling was seriously ticked off. As soon as Sakura, Tomoyo, Syaoran and Kero emerged from the theater they collapsed from exhaustion.

Why her?

Maybe she could call Mike Rhea to write a fanfic about her and Syaoran to fix things.

Nah. She decided that she wasn’t going to stoop that low. Besides, she thought to herself, he’s probably a Tomoyo fan.

DEEP 13

TV’s Ruby Moon was busy plucking petals from a flower. “He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.”

“What are you doing?” Eriol inquired.

“It worked for Ukyo,” replied Ruby Moon “Maybe this will help me net Touya.”

Eriol sweatdropped. “You don’t believe that do you?”

“What’s do you think, Suppi?” asked Ruby Moon.

TV’s Spinel Sun looked up from his napping spot and held up a sign that read “Go For It!” Ruby Moon continued plucking petals and Spinel Sun went back to sleep.

“I need some new assistants.” Eriol said shaking his head ruefully. On his way out he pressed the button.

THE REAL END

Well, this is my second MSTing. I, personally, think it came out a lot better than the last one. But, that’s for you to decide! I just hope someone is reading these besides me. As for Mike Rhea, who really cares what he thinks.

-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

>"She TRULY is so uncute,Ucchan!,"replied Ranma."Besides,you're cute
>even in guy's clothes."

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations

are trademarks of and (c) 2001 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights

reserved.

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